Loving on the Edge

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My journey through grief and loss, reflected through the early posts of my blog, turned a corner after the 3 year anniversary of my late husband's passing. Quite honestly, I felt as if I had walked through every stage of grief that I could; and yet, there was still an underlying layer of sadness to my life that I could not shake.

Through a series of providential experiences, I finally realized that what was waiting for me on the "other side" of my grieving process was my willingness to finally deal with me. I had come to the edge of myself; I was ready to redefine and discover for the very first time my sole identity in how my Creator God sees and loves me. It was then that the title to this blog "Loving on the Edge," took on an entirely new meaning. I was finally becoming comfortable in my own skin and finding freedom in loving myself as myself.

My writing is a reflection of this new-found freedom. It's woven with the threads of my story and experiences of two years of marriage to a man who lived life to the fullest. It's filled with my new-found perspective on life and faith after earning a four year degree in Widowhood 101. Yet, my greatest desire is that it's a beautiful tapestry in celebration of the hope, joy and love I've found in the One, Jesus, who I live for. I have no idea what these pages will unfold in the days to come, but I am trusting Him for the journey.

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I'm a southern-grown girl, raised "dearly loved" by my parents, alongside an older brother who I just adore. I was very fortunate to be raised in a loving, Christian home, yet I grew up with my identity deeply rooted in being an over-achieving, straight A, "good little church girl." I always felt that I had to earn God's love with perfection and performance.

That all began to unravel when at 28, I was given a tangible example of God's unconditional love when I married a man who doted on me, delighted in me, romanced me extravagantly, regardless of my imperfections, regardless of whether I always did or said the right things. He just loved me...as me. It was an incredible love story.

I lost this earthly love very suddenly and very tragically in March of 2010. My adventure-loving husband crossed over the fence at the steepest point of Stone Mountain and fell 600 feet to his death. My world turned upside down, my dreams were shattered as this unconditional love was no longer something I could hold in my arms. My greatest lesson from this love lost was realizing that if a mere man could love me this much, imagine how the God of the Universe, the God who sent His Son Jesus to die on a cross for me, felt about me. It was through this lens that I set out, as a 30-year-old widow, on a path of restoration and healing that can only point to Him.

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