Give us eyes to see You are all we need.
(From Hillsong Young and Free’s “Close”)
It’s 1 day til we leave for Uganda. And I have nervous stomach.
That’s a phrase I adopted from my dear friend Brenda…and I find it fun to use it. But it’s not fun to experience it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m so excited to go back to see the folks who so quickly found their very way into my heart last fall. I fell in love with the Kaihura community and the amazing people who call it home…and it’s not just that “go once on a mission trip and come back calling everyone ‘friends’ kinda love.” I’m in this to go deep.
But I suppose that going deep is the part that makes me nervous.
Because going deep sometimes is messy. I’ll go back to hug and spend time with some very dear and precious widows, and children, and orphans, and community leaders. That’s the fun part. But not being able to just snap my fingers and fix everything, to magically take away their pain and resolve their need for clean water and adequate education and medical care…that’s the part that makes it hard. I’m there to give and receive love, that is my purpose. Those other things…they will come over time, that’s where the investment comes in.
And that “fixing” goes both ways, honestly it swings more my way. Nothing brings me face to face with my own issues than being completely out of my comfort zone, virtually disconnected from those who know and love me most. There’s a lot of work yet to be done to bring healing and hope in Uganda. But more than that, there’s still a lot of work to be done in me. When I leave my comfort zone here, I realize my distraction by things of this world, how little I sometimes believe God for because I have so much at my disposal, I see even clearer my utter depravity but for the grace of Jesus.
It’s not easy to see these things.
But it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.
The lyrics to this song above hit me hard as we sang them in church on Sunday.
It’s my prayer going into this trip.
Because regardless of circumstances I see, of needs I see, of my passion to love and give and serve…
At the end of the day, all I need is Jesus.
The thing I need most of all is Jesus.
I need less of this world and I need more of Him.
He’s the only thing I need more of.
Jesus, give me eyes to see, to see You, to see You as ALL I need. Help me to see as you see, to love as you love, and to serve only as an overflow of that.
And while you’re at it, please calm this stinkin’ nervous stomach. I know you’ve got this entire trip and all we will see in the very palm of Your hands.
Dearly loved, seeing,