For-ward (adverb): Toward or tending to the front; frontward: step forward; Into consideration: put forward…; In or toward the future: looking forward to...
What would have been our 4 year wedding anniversary was last Thursday.
No plans were made. No special recognition. No hoopla. No Facebook post. No blog. Really, only a few folks knew or remembered.
And it was completely okay with me. I woke up. I got dressed. I went to work. I was supported and loved on by a few close friends and family. And then the day was over. Time moved on. It moved forward.
It’s not that a big deal being made or not made was right or wrong. It was simply my choice. And I chose to spend the day in quiet reflection. I chose to let the day come and go, and to let my emotions come and go too.
It was the same a week prior when I chose to trade in Tony’s car that I had been driving since his death. That’s by far the biggest item of his I have had to part with. Sure, I could have held on longer, I just chose otherwise. I chose to walk away, to drive away, to drive forward.
This is a word that God has continued to impress upon me for the last several weeks. I must admit each time I hear it, I just want to balk at it. I want to push back, to step back, to protest, to make excuses, to start to feel sorry for myself, to look for attention and affirmation for my backward-moving emotions.
I don’t always want to move forward.
Moving forward is hard.
Moving forward requires letting go.
Moving forward is uncomfortable and scary and unknown.
Moving forward puts me face to face with a future that’s uncertain, a future I can’t see.
But that’s where 2 Corinthians 5 comes in. It says in verse 7:
“For we live by faith, not by sight.”
The day after our anniversary, I pulled out our guest book from our wedding. My sweet friend Steph created a beautiful scrapbook amongst pages that our guests signed. I still can’t bear to read all the well wishes from our loved ones, loved ones who never thought the beginning and end of our marriage would come so soon.
Yet, I was struck by one particular page and picture.
This was one of our engagement photos. The phrase below it said “From This Day Forward.”
I went digging for that very photo from group of photos our sweet friend Pon took for us after we were engaged. That’s where I came across this candid shot.
It now seems like a more fitting picture for that phrase above. It’s as if Tony is gently nudging me forward.
From this day forward.